What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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