I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
