I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
