accomplished twins. life is a go
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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