2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
