i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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