what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
