would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
