I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
