Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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