I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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