I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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