We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
