What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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