I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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