the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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