why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
