her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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