connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
