I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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