Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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