I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
