if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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