Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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