i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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