how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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