I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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