she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize