So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
