I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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