I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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