Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
