I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
