I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize