this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
