everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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