So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
