I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
