I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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