We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
