Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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