so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
