it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
