I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
