Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
