Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
