Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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