Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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