I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need a beard to bite.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
