At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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