Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
