Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
