at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We had sex on a dog bed..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
