You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
either way he was missing a nipple.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
