guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
