apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
