you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize