i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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