8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
