I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
