oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do vagina's smell?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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