Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
