am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have fence marks all over my body
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
