I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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