If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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