and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
