Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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