Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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