She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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