Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize