Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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