He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
