I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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