Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
