i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
