as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
