my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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