she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
